April 15, 2013, and July 13, 2017, two of the hardest days of my life thus far.

When Harley came into my life I had been looking for a furry family member. Honestly, rescuing was not even in my radar. I will forever be grateful to a student nurse who noticed I’d been looking at dogs/breeds on my breaks. She approached me saying, “I’ve seen you looking at dogs. I work at a vets office and we have a Yorkie needing a new home. You can meet him tonight if you are interested.” The offer changed my world.

My life was good. I had spent five years working onboard cruise ships as a Nurse Practitioner for Carnival. I was now living in Miami Beach, in a great house off the Venetian Causeway, the bay flowing through my backyard, terrific roommates, friends and a great job. But I was not content. I felt restless, and if I am honest, though I was surrounded by people, a bit lonely. Harley quickly became my best friend, travel companion, and first child. He taught me the true meaning of unconditional love and I found joy in the life I was living. When I married Denton Dec 31, 2010, it was icing on the cake.

2013 included our first unsuccessful in vitro treatment and in April Harley crossed the rainbow bridge. I was crushed. In order to keep him close to my heart and give our journey additional meaning, I wrote: “Not Like the Others-Harley’s Story: Having a Pet with Special Needs”.  Harley tells his own story to teach children the concept of rescue, special needs, and unconditional love.

In November 2013 I requested another rescue dog for my 40th birthday gift.  We shared our love for Harley by rescuing Shasta. Denton and I had another furry friend, travel buddy, and fur-kid. Shasta had been a stray. He surprised us many times with his intelligence and resourcefulness. In addition to unconditional love, he taught us about forgiveness. Whatever led him to be a stray, he found it in his heart to love and trust humans again. Shasta inspired this blog.

July 2017 brought another devastating blow when Shasta joined Harley at the rainbow bridge. I grieved for months. Honestly, I continue to grieve and can break into tears with small reminders of either Harley or Shasta. I find comfort with animal-loving friends, family and a book Cold Noses At The Pearly Gates: A Book of Hope for Those Who Have Lost a Pet. I continue to listen to chapters on Audible. Waiting to rescue again has been extremely difficult. However, we need to be selfless and think of the rescue first.

We have now had four unsuccessful in vitro treatments and are traveling the path to adoption. Stay tuned here for updates. Bringing a rescue dog into our home where currently there are two members then suddenly adding anywhere from two to four additional family members sets a rescue dog up to fail. Even if they were kid-friendly at the time of the adoption, a natural response would be to guard their new, safe, secure home space. So we wait.

I wanted to open up and share our journey. Pet loss grief is real and runs deep. If you are experiencing it and feel alone know there are others. If you feel you are losing ground there are pet grief counselors.

I created a peaceful yard memorial in our backyard and remember the wonderful times as well as how much I loved Harley and Shasta.  I look forward to the day we bring children, both human and furry, into our home.

Until then, I will continue to blog here but please understand the thin amount of content and the heaviness of my heart even when writing fun posts. Shasta’s Yorkie Yap is going to keep its title in remembrance of him. The smiles are back. Barks and wagging tails will return.