Life-changing is how I describe the new book by Jen Hatmaker! It led to actionable steps. Honestly, I read pretty much everything Jen writes (owning both hardcover and audio copies of every book since 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess), I listen faithfully to her “For the Love” podcast, and read her blog. As you can imagine, being chosen for Jen’s launch team is such an honor!
The book is divided into five sections: Who I am, what I need, what I want, what I believe, and how I connect. I want to share the ways Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire impacted my life.
Who am I? The very best place to start.
“If I craft my personality around pleasing the intended audience, the target never quits moving and, in chasing it, I forfeit who I actually am… it is exhausting and confusing and doesn’t work…eventually, others know it. The only relief is being genuine at all times, with all people, and if you think that is also hard, you are correct, ma’am. But at least it is honest.” Jen Hatmaker
I needed to start at the beginning and do the work; find out who I am on the inside so I can present my honest self to the outside world. I first learned about the Enneagram personality survey from a podcast by Jen, For the Love, series 8, episode 2 “Know Thyself: Faith and the Enneagram with Ian Morgan Cron“. After hearing about the assessment, I was excited to take the Enneagram to learn more about myself.
I discovered I’m a 3 called the achiever. The Enneagram Institue discusses how 3’s tend to behave. When healthy a three is self-assured, attractive, charming, ambitious, competent and energetic. When unhealthy, a 3 often becomes overly concerned about what others think of them and jealous. The point is to understand the healthy me and recognize when I’m headed into an unhealthy headspace so I can self-correct. Turns out, I am in pretty good company with Oprah Winfrey, Taylor Swift, and Jen Hatmaker also being 3’s.
I’m learning to become familiar with my strengths and weaknesses. I realize I strive to give my all, seek out continued learning. and I desire to make the world a better place for my children, family, animals, and patients. I’d like to say the drive is completely altruistic but if I am truly honest with myself and you, my online friend (OF), I also thrive on recognition. Continuing to check in with close family and friends, Jen calls them “our best people” is so important. They can help when we think too much or too little of ourselves.
My Body, My Infertility, & Learning Grace
I really connected with the chapter, “I am strong in my body”. I have done quite a bit of work in this area already. If you have read our family blog, you may have seen “An Infertility Story: Our Happy Ending”. There I speak honestly about feeling betrayed by my body. This chapter really took my self-reflection to the next level. Where has she (my body) taken me? I spent years being angry with her. Now I needed to go beyond forgiving and also give her credit?
- She provided the energy to obtain my Master’s Degree and become a Nurse Practitioner.
- She has taken me all over the world. Working for Carnival Cruise Lines, scuba diving, backpacking (Italy, Australia, the mountains and more).
- She wakes us up every morning and helps me get to a job I love.
- She gets me out of bed and provides the energy to be a mother to our four toddler siblings and wife to an incredible husband.
- She knew, before I did, that my infertility leads to motherhood (I couldn’t have imagined it would be through adoption).
- She keeps us connected to God despite me giving up on His plan regarding who I would marry and what our family would look like.
I like how Jen says it, “She sure does love me, my life and family. Maybe it is time to stop hating her and just love her back.”
Inclusionary Christianity
In Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire Jen is very transparent regarding the journey and cost she paid with inclusionary Christianity. “The punishment for having an inclusive theology for the LGBTQ community was swift,” she says. I often say, “Jen speaks the words defining the kind of Christian I want to be”. I am ashamed I missed what she went through. If I could go back, I would be more aware and supportive in every way possible. I am grateful to have Jen bravely sharing the God I want to represent. I’ll let Jen say it as she says it best:
Connecting with Family Meetings
The Hatmaker house has five kids, older than ours, but a lot of kids. She understands having so many littles you feel you are taking crazy pills. She also leads the way since she now has two in college, two in high school and a middle schooler. Heaven help the Gruzensky gang as our 3, 4, 5, and 6-year-olds enter their teenage years and high school. If everyone continues as planned we will have a freshman, sophomore, junior and senior ALL AT ONCE. Prayers, meditation, good thoughts, and pretty much anything you can think of are welcome!
Jen says, “It is on parents to build a family where honesty is cherished and truth-telling is protected… We have to ask leading questions and weather our kids’ squeamishness, because they may resist, but they actually want to be asked, parented, and shielded. Carrying secrets is as detrimental to our kid’s souls as it is to ours.” These words hit me right between the eyes. How do we parent, protect and encourage honesty? Thank goodness, Jen also has ideas. We took the family meeting concept and ran with it. Can toddlers participate? Absolutely:
- 1st we created a family meeting album. We all chose family photos to use together.
- Next, we offered two family mottos to choose from. April’s “Mistakes are Wonderful Opportunities to Learn”
- One rule; you can absolutely tell the truth and it will not be held against you. This is a safe space where we talk about problems and plan new actions.
- Now it is time for compliments. Everyone goes around the table and gives each family member a compliment. Even our three-year-old participated. He liked each of our hugs.
- Our first meeting’s agenda: Discuss what listening means (respect) and listening skills (close your mouth, turn to face the person speaking and make eye contact).
- Family Fun time. Our first meeting ended with a game of “Chutes and Ladders“.
We want to create what Jen describes as a “family culture of truth-telling and problem-solving”.
Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire
I’ve mentioned a few ways Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire impacted my life, honestly there are are many more.
Online friends (OF) we are facing a difficult time in history. Staying connected while in quarantine with Covid-19 elicits fear, loneliness, depression, and anxiety. We also live in a time with many options to stay connected. Figure out what works for you and make sure you do it.
Jen ends each of her podcasts asking her guest: “what is saving your life right now” (a quote from Barbara Brown Taylor)? My answer at this moment: 1. My family. 2.. Podcasts including Jen’s “For the Love“. Especially her special series “Quarantine Queens”. 3. Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire (bet you hadn’t guessed this one) 😊
Preorder your copy before the release date April 21, 2020, and Jen offers LOADS of goodies here:
- Exclusive & Free entrance into the book launch webcast including Jen, Brene Brown, Anjelah Johnson, and JohnnySwim
- Immediate access to the introduction and two chapters of the book
- Immediate access to a sample of the audiobook read by Jen
- One hour HD coaching video by Jen at RISE Conference
- Audio version of coaching video by Jen at RISE Conference
