How Do We Know When It Is Time To Say Goodbye?
Pet Hospice
I find it very difficult to write this post. It has not even been 2 months since the question of Compassionate Euthanasia came up in our home. “How do we know when it is time to say goodbye”? Just as important a question, “How do we find peace making this decision”? Neither is easy to answer and the way you answer will be very specific to you and your family. Through our process, as difficult as it was, we found peace and I want to share how we did it.
Shasta Finds His Forever Family
In November 2013 we were blessed to find Shasta and rescued him as a Senior. Within the first few months he was diagnosed with arthritis (see Diagnosing Shasta). Later he was diagnosed with Cushing’s Disease. He had almost 4 wonderful years living with both (I’ll have upcoming posts related to our good years).
Aging Shasta
Around April 2017 we started to really see him age. His vision declined. His movements became slower and he was more cautious about jumping onto or off of furniture. His appetite also changed, more specifically he became a picky eater and treat connoisseur where he used to love everything and was very food motivated.
May 2017 at BlogPaws became a particular turning point. He became anxious with his appetite continuing to decline. He responded really well to acupuncture with Dr. July Buzby. Since she also knows Shasta well, she was concerned about how fragile he seemed and we went to an Emergency vet in Myrtle Beach (we researched where to go using AAHA). We wanted to make sure he was not having an Addison’s crisis (this is the opposite of Cushing’s and can be a result from treatment). He ended up bouncing back though he did not return to where he was prior to this episode. It was cute when he regained his appetite, was desperate to eat but a bit off balance from his new medications.
Unfortunately, on the plane ride home, I realized our travel days together were at an end. He was anxious at new locations and took longer each time to orient himself. This was a difficult reality since he loved traveling and always wanted to be with us. It also meant his pet therapy days were over. He still loved our walks, being with us and eating, although pickier as I mentioned before. He remained happy and comfortable until early July.
The good news was I had started conversations with Treatibles . They make CBD chews, oils and gelcaps (I promise a whole post in the future as I love them). We intended to use it for Shasta’s anxiety and arthritis pain but ultimately the oil ended up being wonderful to keep him calm and comfortable during the last week of his life. (You can use my discount code DDD at checkout for 10% off.)
Wednesday, July 12, I called Dr. Buzby and asked her THE question, “How do we know when it’s time to say goodbye?”. She mentioned information she had heard when learning about Pet Hospice. Think of the top 3 things they enjoy doing and when they lose two it is time. I bawled while at the same time felt comfort that there was something so concrete to help us make a decision.
Shasta’s Last 24 Hours
I went home that night and Denton and I discussed the new information from Dr. Buzby. We realized Shasta had stopped playing with his squeaky toys probably all the way back in late April=#1/3. He stopped being able to take walks and eating over the week before=#2&3/3. We became teary and knew we were not ready THAT night but the time was soon. We cuddled and loved on him all night, he was comfortable, thanks again to Treatibles. When the alarm went off the next morning his breathing was shallow and rapid. We knew our time was short, we held him and told him how much we loved him and would miss him but it was ok he didn’t need to fight anymore we would see him again someday. Within two minutes he passed peacefully in our arms.
Finding and Sharing Peace
Though we did not have to make the appointment for Compassionate Euthanasia we were there. There is NOTHING that will heal the crushing heartbreak but we did find peace. I have shared the concept regarding their top 3 favorite activities with fellow pet parents in the process of the decision or having made the decision for Compassionate Euthanasia. Those who have made the decision tear up with me as they are able to find a greater peace in having made the decision. Those in the process also voice how grateful they are for a better method of determining when it is time to say goodbye.
[bctt tweet=”3 Questions to help you find peace with Compassionate Euthanasia #compassionateeuthanasia” username=”@denisegruzensk”]
I love Lap of Love their website describes their services, “Lap of Love’s mobile veterinarians focus on veterinary hospice, in home euthanasia and consultations for your terminally ill or elderly pet”.
A video with one of their founders, Dr. Dani, is one of the best discussions about Quality of Life Issues I have ever heard.
We will eventually share the love we have for Shasta by rescuing another. I do not plan to rename Shasta’s Yorkie Yap or Shasta’s Swag and Dog Deals but will introduce you to the new contributor when we adopt our next furry family member. In the meantime, I will continue previously planned posts with information gathered while he was still with us.
Until Smiles, Barks and Wagging Tails Return….
Have you had to make THE decision? What do you think of the 3 questions?
I am so glad you are going to keep the name. I remember being faced with the same decision after Pip passed and so happy I kept his name.
I am also so glad Treatibles helped Shasta so much – and of course, happy I was able to spend some time with Shasta in Myrtle Beach.
When you are ready, I know the right dog will find you guys – and what a lucky dog he/she will be!
You were actually the inspiration in deciding to keep the name. I’m glad he was able to take that last trip with me, even with the health issues, and got to spend time with you too!
Thank you so much for this post. It’s very insightful. It’s so hard to ever know when it’s “time” because our emotions get in the way. We never truly want it to be time. <3
I’m hoping it is helpful for others. It is so difficult to let them go…hopefully it helps with stages of grief.
I’ve heard of the three (or five) favorite things method before. I think it’s a good gauge. I’m glad Treatibles made Shasta’s last days more comfortable.
Treatibles were truly a God send for us!
Your post seriously made me cry! I love my little Babu to bits and he is already 14! I cannot think of a life without him. So sorry for your loss, I am sure Shasta is always looking down on you from her puppy play field somewhere!
It is most definitely the difficult part of being a pet parent. I’m heartbroken. The flip side though are the wonderful years with them!
A beautiful tribute to Shasta, it is never an easy decision to make as a pet owner, but I like the 3 favourite things way. I am also interested in CBD for pets, I have started taking it myself and am about to research it for dogs, with an idea to help our terrible anxious rescue girl. We are in the UK but I will still look at treatibles. Thank you for this post. x
Let me know how things go with the CBD. I’m so impressed with how much it helped Shasta.
I didn’t know that Shasta had to visit an emergency vet in Myrtle Beach. This post must have been so difficult for you to write, but I’m sure many will find this so helpful. It has been many, many years since I’ve had to choose compassionate euthanasia for a pet, and the top 3 things would have been helpful then. Sending you lots of hugs.
We were at the Vet during the Sip and Paint… It was definitely difficult to write. I probably would have waited even longer but the more people I’ve shared the top 3 things with and seen their reactions of release from guilt the more I knew I shouldn’t wait… ???
I am so sorry for your loss. I remember Shasta’s vet trip at BlogPaws. I am glad he took that last trip and got to spend 4 wonderful years with you. I love Dr Dani – I met her at Global Pet Expo where she was honoured for her work and compassion. I too considered the 3 things with Cookie, Nala and Isabelle. I also considered pain and recovery potential at their age from treatments. Cookie the lab was 13.5 and had awful cancer and terrible arthritis and was really suffering (Treatibles might have helped). We made the difficult decision with her – she went so peacefully in my arms after suddenly regaining her appetite momentarily and eating a whole bar-b-q chicken- it was difficult and so sad but I believe it was the kindest thing to do and we had great support from our vet. Isabelle was 17.5 and started having seizures and losing weight. She became almost paralysed. I rushed her to the vet and the vet suggested it was time but then she popped her head up and clearly was not ready. Nor was I. We went home and she waited for the girls to say goodbye then passed peacefully in my arms at 3 in the morning (for some reason I woke up and went to her). Nala the cat was 19.5 and got kidney issues and stopped eating. I hand fed her tiny bits of meds, special food, treats and water. I should maybe have done more for her sooner but she passed in my arms on the way to the vet with the whole family.
I think the most important thing we can remember is that we know our pets best and we need to be kind to ourselves during and after. I know regardless of all of the information, I still find myself looking back and questioning myself. I try to nip that in the bud as soon as the thoughts invade and refocus on all of our wonderful times together.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m comforted Shasta was comfortable in your arms and your home when it was his time. Unfortunately, I had to make the choice to help my previous cat cross the bridge. I knew the night she stopped eating her treats was the end. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but it was done with love.
As that saying goes… how short their lives are is really their only fault…
I am so sorry for your incredible loss of little Shasta. Having written about euthanasia myself, it is heartbreaking to think about, let alone go through. What a blessing Shasta went on his own terms. Continued prayers for healing.
What a hard post this must have been to write, but I’m sure others in similar situations will find comfort in it. Just today at Rita’s vet checkup, there was a woman in the waiting room with 4 little poodle mixes, one of whom was quite old. I could hear her talking to the vet (not sure why they were doing that in the waiting room??) about how to know when. He was giving her advice about more bad days than good, etc. Poor lady. I could see she was very sad about it. So hard!
It was very difficult to write but knowing the information gave me so much peace I knew I needed to share it. When I went to the vet’s office to pick up Shasta’s ashes I started crying, with a full waiting room, a women approached me and asked if she could give me a hug and then cried with me too. She may have been a stranger but she was a fellow pet parent and I was so grateful. It must have been an awful conversation to have in the waiting room… my heart goes out to her.
I definitely should have started with a different post this one has me in tears! This must have been an incredible time to go through, I don’t even want to imagine. But you did a beautiful thing years ago when you took Shasta in knowing that there might not have been that long to spend with him. I hope when the time comes I am able to make the right decision too. I have just recently started using CBD for my pup’s thunderstorm anxiety, I’m glad to hear you’ve had good results with it, I wasn’t sure if I was making up that they were helping or not!
I can’t say enough great things about CBD oil and I’m so glad it is helping your sweet Sahara. Losing Shasta still hurts every day… ???
You gave Shasta the best last years as a senior dog anyone could ask for. I think the 3 questions are a smart indication. It is so hard to tell when the time is right. If you wait too long your beloved pet is in pain and misery and no one wants that. I had to let my cat Maggie go when she was close to 19. It was a hard decision and I always wonder if I could have waited a few more days or weeks but I know she’s at peace, not suffering. It’s a blessing that Shasta passed peacefully in your arms, with your love the last thing he saw and felt in this world. Thank you for sharing Shasta’s story with us, I know how hard it must have been to write this. I know it will help people.
I am so sorry for your loss of Shasta. I really appreciate this post though. Our Sheba was the first dog that we had to make that decision for, and it makes me feel better to know that the three things was appropriate for her. She no longer wanted to play, and no longer wanted to eat anything. I had promised her that we’d let her go when that time came, especially that she didn’t play, since that was her favorite thing.
We never made that decision for our beagle Kobi who we lost almost 3 years ago now. But he was a totally different dog than Sheba….a laid back couch potato. He died peacefully at home on the bed with our whole family and I know that was right for him. I guess my point is that every dog is different, and so is every decision. But the top 3 still applied to him too…all he had given up was eating…he still wanted to be outside in the yard, and with his family. I will share that with others I know as well if they are faced with that dreaded decision.